Sunday 27 May 2007

When stuck in being RIGHT :(

"being RIGHT" is OK as long as you're not imposing on others unreasonably :)

When you feel that you (and likely those around you) have suffered enough for you "being RIGHT" (.. and yes, I know that you have plenty of reasons why you're right .. and you're absolutely right about your reasons .. :)), and accepting the fact that keep repeating the same practice and expecting a significantly different outcome is rather ludicrous, try the following approach:
  • Replace the word "being RIGHT" with "PREFERENCE" e.g., "This is what I prefer.", "I understand that this is what you prefer."
  • When you're "right", the other person must be "wrong". We, not only have the primal need of "being right", but also have the intuitive sense of responsibility to right the wrong. Likely the other party (possibly somebody you love dearly) thinks the same ... then the fight begins again .. and likely both walk away feeling disconnected - deepening the dissatisfaction about the relationship in the hearts of both. .. I wonder how many divorces started with this .. and worse, much worse, how many hideous crimes/killings committed in the name of "being right" today and in the history of mankind ..
  • We want somebody to come close but often unknowingly, we push them away with our repulsive energy - insisting on "being right" could be very very repulsive.
  • Assuming the position of "preference" takes away the edge of "being right" and it helps to bring out the warmth in you because you're more likely to listen - to hear out and acknowledge what the other person "prefers". It may promote a sense of humility in you. Now, if you can go there, it not only reduces the stress in you, your energy (and therefore, your presence) would become so much warmer and attractive. Is this what you want for yourself?
An experiential exercise:
  1. Close your eye and recall a typical scenario where you ran into the problem of "being RIGHT". How do you feel now?
  2. Close you eye again. Get yourself grounded by, say, taking several deep breaths.
  3. With all sincerity, replace the word "being RIGHT" with "PREFERENCE" and reconstruct your scenario with this approach. How do you feel now?
  4. Compare the outcome of the two different approaches ... my very best wishes to your commitment to grow :) ..

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