When stuck in being RIGHT :(

"being RIGHT" is OK as long as you're not imposing on others unreasonably :)

When you feel that you (and likely those around you) have suffered enough for you "being RIGHT" (.. and yes, I know that you have plenty of reasons why you're right .. and you're absolutely right about your reasons .. :)), and accepting the fact that keep repeating the same practice and expecting a significantly different outcome is rather ludicrous, try the following approach:

• Replace the word "being RIGHT" with "PREFERENCE" e.g., "This is what I prefer.", "I understand that this is what you prefer."

Explanation:

• When you're "right", the other person must be "wrong". We, not only have the primal need of "being right", but also have the intuitive sense of responsibility to right the wrong. Likely the other party (possibly somebody you love dearly) thinks the same ... then the fight begins again .. and likely both walk away feeling disconnected - deepening the dissatisfaction about the relationship in the hearts of both. .. I wonder how many divorces started with this .. and worse, much worse, how many hideous crimes/killings committed in the name of "being right" today and in the history of mankind ..
  
• We want somebody to come close but often unknowingly, we push them away with our repulsive energy - insisting on "being right" could be very very repulsive.
  
• Assuming the position of "preference" takes away the edge of "being right" and it helps to bring out the warmth in you because you're more likely to listen - to hear out and acknowledge what the other person "prefers". It may promote a sense of humility in you. Now, if you can go there, it not only reduces the stress in you, your energy (and therefore, your presence) would become so much warmer and attractive. Is this what you want for yourself?
  

An experiential exercise:

1. Close your eye and recall a typical scenario where you ran into the problem of "being RIGHT". How do you feel now?
   
2. Close you eye again. Get yourself grounded by, say, taking several deep breaths.
   
3. With all sincerity, replace the word "being RIGHT" with "PREFERENCE" and reconstruct your scenario with this approach. How do you feel now?
4. Compare the outcome of the two different approaches ... my very best wishes to your commitment to grow :) ..
   

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Anger Management!

"I had no epiphany, no singular revelation, no moment of truth, but a steady accumulation of a thousand slights, and a thousand indignities produced in me an anger, a desire to fight the system that imprisoned my people" [Nelson Mandela, page 35 of "MANDELLA, An Illustrated Autobiography" 1994]

Ummm ... how do I channel my frustration/anger towards a constructive goal? ... this is not meant to be a rhetorical question ..

Ahh ... are we the prisoners of our own thoughts? ... now, this one is rhetorical :)


Acknowledgement: The drawing above was done by CK, a beloved teacher of mine ..

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The gist of what Confucius Said & The Fall of The Roman Empire :)

The top part of the above quote was Confucius' answer (about 2500 years ago) to one of his students' questions about the single most important thing one needs to learn and is the very gist of Confucius' teaching.

This means: Do not do to others what you don't want others to do to you.

The Fall of The Roman Empire:

There are multiple causes for the fall of the Roman Empire which ended around AD476. The main theme appears to be the decay from within. One can readily use the decay-from-within (especially within those in power) theory to explain the survival problems of many countries, dynasties, communities, businesses, families and individuals in the history of mankind.

Confucius' teaching repeatedly emphasizes building the thinking foundation and the value system of the self before one can effectively provide his/her service to the outside world. The bottom part of the above quote embodies that spirit.

This means: one must start with strengthening one's moral stance, then to harmonizing one's family, then to bringing prosperity to one's country, and then to bringing peace to the world at large.

The fall of the Roman Empire (and for that matter, the fall of many empires, governments, and communities) is presumably a lesson for us to learn - i.e., "history repeats itself". The question is: Does history repeat itself, right now, right inside us?

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Purpose in Life

Do you know your purpose in life?

If your answer is "No" or "Not sure", read on ...

Do you believe that you may achieve a better quality of living if you assume the position that you do have a purpose in life?

If your answer is "Yes", read on ...

It would be extremely rare to meet somebody who knows what his/her purpose in life is. However, what stops you from defining one for yourself ... as time passes, let your feeling be your guide in measuring the correctness of your assumed purpose in life ... and a more useful version will emerge over time.

Example:

• Mine is: "To rise to the needs of the situation while maintaining a big picture". Now, may I know yours? ...

A quote from Albert Einstein:
"Strange is our situation here on earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to divine a purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: that man is here for the sake of other men - above all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness depends." ["The GOD Delusion" by Richard Dawkins 2006, page 209]

Acknowledgment: The above drawing was done modelling after Ernest Watson's Magenta Tulip ("The Art of Pencil Drawing").

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Definition of Success

When prompted with the question, “What is your definition of success?”, it seems that everyone has an answer. When averaged out over a prolonged period of time, our state of mind depends whether we meet our definition of success. If we do, we may feel satisfied, happy, content, joy, etc. If we don’t, we may feel rejected, dejected, abandoned, angry (at ourselves and/or at others), shame, depressed etc.

Do you believe that your definition of success in life often consciously or subconsciously guides you to move forward in life? Do you believe that it governs what you think and how you think, therefore how you feel about yourself and others, and therefore how you behave?

If your answer is "Yes or probably", read on ...

Do you find that your definition of success is now in your way of seeking your happiness in life?

If your answer is "Yes or probably", read on ...

• See if you've set too high an expectation for yourself and set yourself up to fall.
• See if your definition of success is in line with your purpose in life.
  
• See if you've defined your success in terms of the outcome of a journey instead of focusing on the journey itself.

Example:

• Mine is expressed in the form of an epitaph: "He used well what he was given". Now, may I know yours? ...

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