Garbage Pick Up (an experiential exercise - part 3)

If you've completed Part 2 exercise, my compliment for your childlike curiosity and open-mindedness. I believe that you'll benefit a lot with such valuable mental assets as you move forward in life! Now write down what you felt and observed about your experience of picking up the garbage for this second round. For now, let us view each of these two exercises you undertook as a small journey of your life. So, compare the outcome of these two journeys. Is it that one of the two is more useful and meaningful for you than the other one? (hopefully, your experience is similar to mine :))

Purpose of this garbage-pick-up exercise: A way to enhance one's quality of living (particularly in achieving a happier life) with the enhanced ability to live a more meaningful life.

Hypothesis:

Meaningfulness of a journey is a function of one's perception of the relative importance of one's intent, effort and the outcome of the journey.

• It seems that if we can associate our moments (and therefore our journeys) synergistically, the sense of meaningfulness of our life would be much much greater than the sum of their parts (actually as the law of nature dictates, so is the outcome!).
• The sense of meaningfulness comes from one judging oneself (consciously or subconsciously) of a moment or when looking back at a particular journey in terms of one's intent, effort and the outcome. For example, a) "I feel great that I contributed to the success of this project!" [primarily outcome based] or "I feel miserable because you think that what I've done is not good enough." [primarily based on the perceived outcome as dictated by others], b) "Though this project did not turn out as expected, I am very proud of myself because I've done the best I could!" [primarily effort based], c) "Now, let me pick up this trampled stack of newspaper from the subway platform floor because I want others benefit by a cleaner environment." [primarily intent based].
• This particular exercise is focused on the effect of escalating one's intent. As one chooses to move one's intent towards a higher level (i.e., moving from "for self" to "for others" or possibly to a higher spiritual level), one should feel that the sense of meaningfulness is increased accordingly. Well, does this experiential exercise work for you?
  

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Shame & Guilt

Name of book:

• Shame and Guilt (Guilford Press, c2002) by June Price Tangney & Ronda L. Dearing.
  

Synopsis:

• This book examines two specific types of emotions (i.e., shame and guilt), their differences and the significance in understanding and dealing with their differences.

My favorite quotes from this book:

• “There is substantial evidence supporting Lewis’s (1971) contention that the fundamental difference between shame and guilt centers on the role of the self (i.e., “Who I am”). Guilt involves a more articulated condemnation of a specific behavior (i.e., “What I did.”)”. (page 24). Example of shame: “I did that horrible thing.” Example of guilt: “I did that horrible thing.” (page 25) To me then, shame is a feeling resulting from what I perceive how others may think of me and guilt is a feeling resulting from what I should have done but did not do.
• “This chapter has described one of the great surprises from our program of research on shame and guilt. Contrary to folk wisdom, feelings of shame actually provoke other directed anger, rather than inhibiting anger and aggression.” (page 11) ‘.. guilt along with empathy emerge as a “good” moral affective experience’ (page 89)

Comment:

• It has been an immensely rewarding feeling when a client can learn to view a situation of his/her past differently such that, at least momentarily, they are freed from (or deescalate) a sense of shame ... and they have an opening, mindful of its presence and with persistent practice (simple but difficult), they can rid themselves of shame.

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The QUESTION (Part 1)

Fundamental Questions in Life

To best define your goals in life and be able to move towards them effectively (as partly explained in Part 2), it is of paramount importance that you address the most fundamental question(s) of your very existence. The questions below are intended to help you do that.

In any case, you may see a sampled list of responses collected since this survey (Question 1 only) started in 1980. You may get more out of this by attempting the following questions first before you look at the survey results.

Use your heart --not your brain-- to feel for your responses.

The Questions:

1. If you have one and only one question to ask and for that you are guaranteed a true answer, what would your question be?
2. What would you like to have inscribed on your tombstone for others to remember you by (starting with the word "He .." or "She ..")?

Question #1 is designed to guide you to think forward in life and Question #2 is designed to guide you to look back as if you're at the end of your life. Thus, your two responses should correlate. If they don't, it begs more thinking on your part ... :-)

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The QUESTION (Part 2)

Why I started a survey on "The Question"

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Sometime around 1980, in order to address spousal relationship issues, my wife and I decided that each of us was to methodically list the issues and prioritize them. We do not remember the details of the list but the very top one on each of our lists etched vividly in our memory was (with practically identical wording):

What is the purpose of my life?

We were rather shocked by the unexpected outcome. This led me to hypothesize that the question that bothers most of us most is our lack of clarity in understanding our purpose and goals of life. The impact of the lack of clarity in understanding our own purpose and goals in life is manifested negatively in all sorts of our behaviour. With that in mind, I set out to collect data among friends, colleagues and relatives with regard to "the question" that most people want to know. By now, I'm convinced that the question (or the variations of it) that bothered myself and my wife most is the very same question that bothers most other people (to the extent, sometime they may not be fully conscious of its impact). For my survey details, please refer to Part 3.

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The QUESTION (Part 3)

The followings were the sampled survey results of "The Question #1" over a number of years. The people I surveyed were mainly my relatives, friends, and colleagues of different age groups (mainly with engineering or science education background) . I have separated the results into three groups (with the 3rd group with "questions" collected from children) to show that the bulk of the "questions" indeed gravitates towards the theme of "What is the purpose of my life?":

• "Am I doing enough to achieve my spiritual goal?" [F, 61]
• "What would I require to be happy?" [M, 25]
• "What is the meaning of life?" [M, 25]
• "Who am I?" [M, 24]
• "What is the best ways to please God and get rewards?"
• "Is there a God? Who is he?
• "Is Jesus Christ son of God ?"
• "What would make anyone truly happy in life ?"
• "What is the meaning of life ?"
• "Is there life after death?"
• "Why am I here?"
• "What is the meaning of life?"
• "What is the best way to help people in destitute on this planet?"
• "Is there a God or a higher being?"
• "What is the meaning of life ?"
• "Why am I doing what I am doing?"
• "What is the purpose of life?"
• "How can I best fulfill my highest purpose in life?"
• "What does my personal future hold?"
• "Is there life after death?"
• "What question should I ask?"
• "What is the ultimate purpose of life?"
• "What career path that I actively pursue now will provide me in 20 years' time in retrospect, the most fulfilling 20 years?"
• "Is there life after death?"
• "How can I live happily ?"
• "How can I be guaranteed a happy life?"
• "Whether there is a God or not ?"
• "What's next? next life; next set of objectives (5 year life plan)"
• "How to target my efforts to optimize my happiness?"
• "What is the purpose of life?"
• "Will I be happy?"
• "How to achieve real peace in this world?"
• "What is the meaning of life?"
• "Why am I here? (question asked since 14 years old)"
• "Is everything on this earth predetermined by a Super Power?"
• "I would like to perform my best in my life, how could I obtain the wisdoms of living & enhance my energy ?"
• "What is the meaning of life?" or "Is there one God?"
• "What is the purpose of life?"
• "How to maximize my worth ?"
• "Will I be happy ?"
• "Is there a God ?"
• "What is life after death?"
• "Will mankind live in peace in time and space, without oppression?"
• "Is there an immortal soul and its intelligence continuous ?"
• "What is the purpose of life?"
• "Is there life after death?"
• "What is the extent and purpose of the universe?"

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• "Are there beings outside the solar system?" [M, 28]
• "Whether space and time has a beginning and end, or is it infinite?" [M, 27]
• "Why are we the way we are?" [FM, 32]
• "What is the date of my death?" [So that he can plan to live accordingly.]
• "How can I consistently get people to do what I want them to do?"
• "Is it possible to travel faster than the speed of light ?"
• "What are the entire contents of the Globe & Mail, Wall Street Journal and London Times for the next 50 years?"
• "How well will I do with this company in a few months?"
• "How come I am always running short of money?"
• "Why has the female mythos disappeared ?"
• "How long will I live?"
• "What is next ?"
• "What would I be when I reach 30 ?"
• "Why have you given me the honour of asking you a question? (The fact that meeting God should be self-satisfying)"
• "How long will I live ?"
• "Is there any other living (i.e. thinking & intelligent) forms of life out there in the universe?"
• "Is knowledge an infinite entity?"
• "Don't want to ask the question."
• "How do I acquire the wisdom to know the difference?"

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"Questions" collected from children:

• "Can I have a laptop?" [M, 9]

Epitaph

• "He was a good father, husband, and friend." [24]
• "He experienced life fully and helped those around him." [27]
• "He used well what he was given." [61]
• "She was courageous and strong." [32]
• "He was a good father." [8]
• "She was a good cook and she was a good mother." [6]

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