A quiz ...

Can you be open and forget your biases for a moment? ... allow me to have the privilege to walk with you for the next moment of your life ... take a deep breath to ground yourself .. now read on ..

Pick one of the following quizzes that suits you ...

Quiz A:

• If you were God, and you're going to judge every action of a person in terms of his/her intent, effort, and the outcome, where would you put your primary emphasis on (i.e., intent, effort, or outcome)?

OR

Quiz B:

• If you've the power to decide how the world should judge you and to judge you in terms of your intent, effort, and the outcome of your every action, where would you put your primary emphasis on (i.e., intent, effort, or outcome)?

Comments:

• If your answer is different from what the world is, does it make sense to continue judging yourself based what others think, instead of basing on what your heart tells you?
• Many times in our life, things simply did not turn out as expected no matter how hard we tried. So .. have we failed? or simply that the outcomes did not turn out as expected ..
• The notion of failure can be crippling - at the very best, it can be used as a stick to drive one or others towards a goal. It stifles creativity .. it insidiously keeps one from moving forward in a way that is life enriching .. it robs joy from our lives .. it may bring one down to a state of helplessness and hopelessness. Do you wonder if there is a practical way to mitigate the detrimental impact of the notion of failure?.. Yes, there is - the secret lies in your answer to this quiz!

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A quiz for Christians!

Quiz:

• Many times in the Gospels of the New Testament, Jesus (he, besides being HIM, was a human being like you and me) judged/evaluated the action of a person and subsequently handed out his compliment or reprimand. Now, can you recall a single incident described in the Gospels that his judging/evaluating was primarily based on the outcome of a person's action/inaction instead of basing on that person's intent and effort?

Comment:

• If your answer is "No" which is incidentally the same as mine (i.e., HIS way of judging was always based only on the intent and effort of one's action), and if you choose to model after HIM to judge yourself and others, what would that mean to you and to those around you?

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May this bring you a smile ... :)

Hey! This is for you! :)
(source unknown)
[Posted Dec. 2007]

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The central tenet of all major religions

Treat others as you would like to be treated.

To research and create this list was on my to-do list. Then I found what I wanted (and possibly better than I would have done myself) on page 68-69 of "Me to We: Turning Self-Help On Its Head" (by Craig Kielburger & Marc Kielburger, 2004) - highlighting with bold was done by me:

"In fact, the duality of caring for both the self and others is present in virtually all religions, and despite their differences, all come together in one central tenet: Do unto others as you wish them to do unto you. The following is a list of world religions and their interpretations of this Ethic of Reciprocity.

• Hinduism: "This is the sum of duty: do not to others what would cause pain if done to you." (Mahabaratha 5:1517)
• Taoism: "Regard your neighbor's gain as your own gain, and your neighbor's loss as your own loss." (T'ai Shang Kan Ying P'ien, 213-218)
• Native spirituality: "We are as much alive as we keep the earth alive." (Chief Dan George)
• Buddhism: "Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful." (Udana-Varga 5.18)
• Islam: "Not one of you truly believes until you wish for others what you wish for yourself." (The Prophet Muhammad, Hadith)
• Judaism: "What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. This is the whole Torah; all the rest is commentary." (Hillel, Talmud, Shabbat 31a)
• Christianity: "In everything, do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets." (Jesus, Matthew 7:12)
• Sikhism: "I am a stranger to no one; and no one is a stranger to me. Indeed, I am a friend to all." (Guru Granth Sahib, p.1299)
• Baha'i Faith: "Lay not on any soul a load that you would not wish to be laid upon you, and desire not for anyone the things you would not desire for yourself." (Baha'u'liah, Gleanings)
• Janism: "One should treat all creatures in the world aas one would like to be treated." (Mahavira, Sutravitanga)
• Unitarianism: "We affirm and promote respect for the interdependence of all existence of which we are a part." (Unitarian principle)
• Zoroastrianism: "Do not unto others what is injurious to yourself." (Shayast-na-Shayast 13.29)"

Added to this list is the very gist of Confucius' teaching: "Do not do to others what you don't want others to do to you."

What listed above, I believe, is likely the central tenet of all major religions. In particular, see the above quote about Judaism, " .. This is the whole Torah; all the rest is commentary." - Wow! My dear Hillel! What clarity you brought forth! This very similar sentiment/emphasis was echoed by Confucius. When probed by his pupil (about 2500 years ago) to come up with one word to summarize the spirit of his teaching, Confucius answered: "恕" which means "consideration". He further expanded this word into a phrase as described above.

[posted Dec. 2007]

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A Father's Prayer 一位父亲的祝福

To: CSC & DSC,

I was inspired by Hodding Carter’s quote, "There are only two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings."

我被 Hodding Carter 的名言所激励，“我们只能给我们的孩子两种有持久性的遗产. 一个是根，另一个是翅膀。”

Appreciate your roots - get well grounded, take off and fly ..
My dear child, fly with the gifts you're given so that the world would become a better one because of you ..
Let your love and passion be manifested into actions ..
Let your warmth melt away the misery of this world ..
Let the world light up with your laughter and joy ..
And of course, if I may ask, share with me your adventure and joy (and pain) ..
For I'll feel that I've done my part as your dad if I know that my child is happy and contributing to the best he can ..

[Posted Jan 26th, 2008]

请看下面我数年前给我两个儿子写的 "一位父亲的祝福" (也是我向你的祝福).

好好地欣赏你的根源 - 打好基础然後升空飞翔。 
我亲爱的孩子，用你天赋的才能翱翔吧，使世界会因为多了你而变的更加美好。

让你的爱和激情化作行动。
让你的温暖融化掉世界的痛苦。
让你的笑声和欢乐使世界变得更加灿烂。
当然，我还希望，你会与我分享你的经历, 快乐 (和痛苦)。
如果我知道我的孩子是快乐的，并且他已经尽力贡献了, 我将会觉得我己完成了我作为父亲的职责。
  
[Translation added, July 28th, 2014] 
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One way to handle verbally abusive behaviour

(2 components of communication)
Try to address an emotional glitch right at the moment of its occurrence.

We would always readily feel hurt when we get verbally abused (e.g., "You @#$%&^* no good! ..") or simply just get gently jabbed emotionally by a tone of voice which is getting impatient or a body language that is tense. A typical scenario of miscommunication between two persons is illustrated below.

1. Started with a logical and civil discussion between person A and B.
2. Triggered by something "B" said, "A" gets impatient and shows his/her impatience via a change of his/her tone of voice (and often with change of body language) ... meanwhile, on the surface, he/she communicates a logical point(s).
3. "B" feels jabbed emotionally but he/she still focuses on responding to the logical point under discussion.
4. Now, A's impatience grows .. however, he/she generally and often unknowingly express his/her impatience by coming up with stronger and more elaborate arguments for his/her logical point(s) made earlier ... and the tone of voice is getting more abusive.
5. "B" now starts to show his/her hurt via an aggressive (or passive aggressive) tone of voice (and certain type of body language) .. however, strange enough, as if by choice, "B" stays on the logical level to argue with "A".
6. The exchange becomes hurtful and totally unproductive ... and the experience adds to the accumulated feeling of hurt which one day would result in an irreparable explosion.
   

Suggested remedy:

• There are always two components in any communication (an emotional one and a logical one - see diagram above). Whenever we sense the occurrence of an emotional glitch (e.g., the other person's tone of voice is getting a bit aggressive), if possible, we must stop the logical discussion and immediately address the emotional glitch (e.g., calmly state, "How come you sound so stressed? Do you have a tough day at work?", "Do you realize that you've raised your voice?"). If you don't feel comfortable to address that right at that moment, bring it up with that person afterwards .. but it must be addressed.
  
• Seek a proper closure for every such emotional abusive incident. The lack of this kind of check-and-balance force in place in the business environment explains partly why a lot of people in power behave abusively ... they're spoiled by their subordinates or their peers.

[posted Nov. 2007]

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How to contain our impulse of telling others how to do their jobs

• By gaining the awareness of how little the other persons can actually retain what we said.
• By letting ourself be pleasantly surprised by the creative solutions put forth by the persons we depend on.
• By not taking away the opportunity of allowing the other persons to grow and learn through their mistakes (i.e., within reasons :)).
• By not blocking the avenue of self expression (i.e., by not insisting on "do it my way").
  
• By ... well, you may have more reasons .. let me know :)

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